Army Of Two 40th Day

Time for me to talk about Army of Two 40th Day. The sequel to 2008's Army of Two. I honestly can't give a full review, for I only played through the single player. I was so over the single player, I didn't bother with the multiplayer.

This is the most pointless game I have played in a long time. I played on the hardest difficulty (Contractor or something), and yet again this was an overly simple game. Every level was the same. Go through a generic environment, kill enemies, reach a point that is the end of the level. I think it literally took me 4 and a half hours to play this game from beginning to end.

There is absolutely nothing redeeming about this game. The characters are generic muscle headed bros. The story was pretty dumb. The execution was poorly done. Just nothing about this game was good.

You can fully customize your weapons, which is pretty neat in theory. But it's so so so poorly done. You can repaint your guns, but the textures are stretched and skewed it just makes your guns look terrible. I think the only one I liked was "Pimp." It made your gun gold and silver, pretty much two shiny solid colors. The camos, animal prints, and whatever were just horrible.

Yet again, you can kind of collect items. There are little porcelain kitties spread throughout Shanghai. Finding these pretty much were the only things that provided any sort of entertainment for me.

The AI was terrible, I could pretty much walk up to enemies and shoot them without dying. Plus my partner was fucking stupid. He would literally run out and die. He never took cover, and normally just ran into me; fucking up my aim and everything in the process. Damn, that was so frustrating.

This game was so frustrating. It was too simple, and way too short. I almost feel like I wasted the 10 dollars it was rent this from Blockbuster.

What else was wrong with this game... Oh yeah! The story was so predictable. I could pretty much guess what was going to happen before it ever did. There were no plot twists, nothing surprising. So boring.

I don't even want to talk about this game anymore, basically avoid this one unless you are getting to play it for free.

Darksiders

Alright, I am finally getting around to my opinion on Darksiders. I beat this game about a week ago, but have been so busy with other games I never got around to doing this. Let me be one to say, this game is incredible. Definitely one the bes

t gaming experience I've had so far in 2010. (Mass Effect 2 of course destroying everything else that is out so far. That is for another time, though)

Darksiders is the first game developed by the new THQ branch, Vigil Games. This is the best way to come into the games industry. Vigil was founded by a couple of comic book developers, which is very obvious in Darksiders art.

I am going to do this review a little differently, I am going to list off key things I really loved in this game, and key things I really could have done without.

Loved:

- The visual style of the whole game. It was pretty reminiscent of World Of Warcraft's visual style. That is not a bad thing; I honestly love Post-Wrath of the Lich King graphics. Basically, this game is very very pretty.

- WAR is a fucking badass. He is one the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. This dude fucks shit up, and gets shit done. Just look at this dude:

- The gameplay is a very good homage to the Legend of Zelda series. Being the dedicated fan of Zelda that I am, this game pretty much had me hooked from start to finish. Great puzzle solving, some cool accessories to get, and a horse! (Ruin > Epona)

Dislikes:

- I really thought the gun was pointless. Why does one of the Four Horsemen need a gun? I practically never used it. Except on one boss.

- I played through the game on Apocalyptic difficulty (hardest difficulty), and the enemies really posed no challenge. All the bosses were EXTREMELY simple to beat. Pretty much this game is really simple, which I wouldn't expect being it the APOCALYPSE and all.

I basically have no other complaints, this game did a lot more right then wrong. I played it on the PS3, and surprisingly enough load times were pretty speedy so no complaint there. There was some minor frame rate issues, but nothing too intense. This game offered some minor item collecting, which as mentioned in the Bayonetta review; I love item collecting. I found just about every uhh 'heart piece' and wrath shard. I found 8/10 of the armor pieces. I will probably go back through with a guide just to find the rest, to be honest.

So, definitely pick this game up if you have some extra money. Even at the very least, rent it. It's beyond worth playing. It's almost necessary.

Finally, my opinion of Bayonetta...

As some people may have already heard me; I have VERY VERY strong feelings about this game. I am probably going to be the first person to absolutely tear this game apart.

Where do I begin?

Character design. This game pretty much is everything you expect for a Japanese game. Overly busty women, disproportionate bodies, poor emotions. Pretty much almost all of the characters are very ridiculous and provide nothing to make me care for them. I don't think Bayonetta as a character is offensive or whatever some people seem to think. This is pretty much what I've come to expect from Japan. I mean, look at Dead or Alive and pretty much every anime in existence. Yeah, nothing new.





The character Luka is also very annoying. I honestly believe I could have done without him, he offers nothing of interest. SPOILER ALERT (I guess): he believes Bayonetta killed his father, but his anger really seems so subtle. if I thought somebody killed my father, I would be dead set on killing them. this guy chases the witch around, unarmed and pretty much has no desire to harm her. fucking stupid.

Rodin was a kind of cool character. He said some pretty stupid shit, but he was pretty funny. He's like a bartender or something in Hell? I don't even know what he was to be honest. I guess he was a demon. We'll just go with that, he's a big black demon bartender item shop guy. If he had a green mohawk, he kind of reminds me of Zack from Dead or Alive. Very flamboyant, wears sunglasses, black.


Little Cereza was the only character I felt any sort of emotion for. She is so very innocent, and did some of the cutest things hahah ^^;;! ahem... yeah, the whole time parallel thing with her was kind of weird. I don't get how seeing yourself as a child would make you remember anything about your past.

Let me tell you about the dialogue in this game. Everybody I've talked to thinks it's HILARIOUS or something. Yes, it's over the top; yes, it's fucking stupid; yes, it annoyed me to no end. The dialogue was nothing but sexual innuendos and stupid fucking jokes. I couldn't stand watching any of the cutscenes almost. I only watched them to know how the story progressed; which was poorly done. I honestly don't think I laughed once. Maybe quirky Jap-humor doesn't tickle my funny bone. I don't know

The soundtrack is ridiculous as well. It's mostly J-Pop and Dance songs. It kind of didn't fit the mood of most of the game, so I don't know. JAPAN!

Time to get down to the core selling point of this game, at least for me. The gameplay. It's pretty much your generic hack and slash game. You kill enemies, destroy vases, and some other stuff in the environment. In this game, you collect rings that are VERY similar to the rings in Sonic the Hedgehog. These are called Halo's, they act as currency for buying stuff in Rodin's store. You can also get little items to concoct different LOLLIPOPS. Yes, lollipops, this game has lot's of lollipops. You concoct other things, but mainly LOLLI-FUCKING-POPS. The combat was very simplistic, there's a million different combos you can do. I bought every technique, and I don't think I really used any of them. The only useful technique I bought was the air dodge. I don't know why you have to buy that, it's soooo useful. Whatever. Uhh, if you dodge something you go into something called "Witch Time;" basically time slows down, and you can deal massive damage to enemies. It tended to last for like 5 seconds, making it a little pointless; but it did help a lot on some enemies. The developer Platinum just borrowed something from one of their sort of previous games, Viewtiful Joe. Still, it's a nice little feature.

Pro tip: once you get the claws, fucking use them. hands down the game was a million times easier with those things. sooooo powerful. I thought the sword was the shit, but oh my gosh. I destroyed Jubileus once I equipped the claws.

I enjoy collecting things in games, I don't know why. This game offers lots of that. You collect books, witch hearts (4 increase your max health, moon stones or something (2 increase your max witch magic meter thing haha), crows, witch resting places (basically treasure chests), and tons of other things. I was crazy in Uncharted and Uncharted 2 with finding the treasures, I would run around a whole area looking for treasures. I got every single treasure in both games, so it was totally worth it. Anyway, to get off my tangent, that offered some form of enjoyment for me. although I didn't find every item, I found a lot. I just wanted to quit playing this game, so I didn't look so hard.

The worlds in this game were beautiful, the bosses were really cool looking, and some of the enemies were pretty cool. I got kind of tired of seeing so many of the same models just re-skinned, though. Most enemies were pretty dumb, and posed no real threat. I think the hardest to kill were the ridiculous fast fuckers. There was usually a red one and a blue one. I can't think of their names. You HAD to use witch time to kill them pretty much. fucking annoying.

Overall, this game had some really solid gameplay. A bit of slow down at times, but it stayed pretty consistent through out. Boss fights were always interesting, and not too challenging. Jubileus was the only bitch for me. I finally figured out how to avoid the black hole one hit kill thing after like 20 tries and feeling like a dumbass. Bayonetta is your run of the mill hack and slash, and really doesn't offer too much that superior games like Devil May Cry and Ninja Gaiden don't offer.


The story is pretty uninteresting. You are a witch that was revived after spending 20 years or something underwater. You meet a little guy that exploits your for a hint on where to locate some treasured "Right Eye." You follow his hint to a made up crazy city called Vigrid in Europe. Vigrid is some crazy religious city, blah blah. You meet a little girl that is lost and calls you "Mummy!" and follows you around everywhere. You kill lots of angels on your way to finding the "Right Eye." uhhhhhhhhhhhhh, yeah, this story really wasn't all that interesting. I don't want to give anything away either. If you want to know everything just go on wikipedia, whoever wrote it up did a good job.



In the end, I felt very unsatisfied with this game. I am glad I decided to rent it and not buy it. I was in a toss up with buying this or Darksiders. Sooooo glad I got Darksiders. Incredible.


I give this game a 3/5, if you're a fan of stupid Japanese jokes and hack and slash games go play it. If not, rent it like I did and at least play it. It's worth at least playing just to see how ridiculous it is.

Games that copy other games.

alright, so i know that there almost zero original ideas left in the world for games and that just about every new game is going to have some element derived from multiple other titles. this is about games that are just blatant rip offs.

check out this new game, "Quantum Theory," from Tecmo coming out sometime this year

Video Games | Quantum Theory | Action Gameplay Montage HD

XBox 360 | Playstation 3 | Nintendo Wii

now, let's take a look at a rather successful (and one of my personal favorites) third person shooter. "Gears of War."




just look at the two, do a side by side comparison and think. taking cover is the same, the guns almost are exactly identical, the enemies in the first game look almost like the locust from gears. the list goes on.


i hate that people say something like dante's inferno or bayonetta is a god of war clone. fuck god of war, ninja gaiden came first and really defined the hack and slash style. as far as i see it, god of war is a clone of ninja gaiden. i honestly can't think of any hack and slash games on ps1 or n64, so if i am missing something please let me know.


anyway, some developers are starting to annoy with their lack of originality. it's lazy if you ask me. you guys are losing money by making games SO similar to already successful titles. nobody is going to buy it, fuck I don't want to own Quantum Theory, I have Gears of War 2; it's already a million times better looking than this game, and the multiplayer is outstanding.


coming soon:

my opinion of darksiders
my opinion of bayonetta
my opinion of army of two the 40th day
my completed opinion of divinity II: ego draconis

me playing dark void
and on 1/26 i will get mass effect 2, and probably be in my room for a week or more.

Naughty Bear debut

Video Games | Naughty Bear | Debut Trailer

XBox 360 | Playstation 3 | Nintendo Wii

Please, God, please let this be just like Conker's Bad Fur Day!! That game was so incredible, it needs some sort of spiritual successor. (fuck live and reloaded)

The World of Warcraft killer is coming soon...

Video Games | Hello Kitty Online | Music Trailer HD

XBox 360 | Playstation 3 | Nintendo Wii

LOVE... the game

alright, so there is this little game called LOVE. it's actually not so little, it is probably going to be huge.

LOVE is a massively multiplayer online pc game being developed by one single man. basically, there will servers of 200 people; these 200 people will work together to build up these massive beautiful worlds, cities, whatever. you must defend whatever you build from five AI tribes in the game, so if you don't work together prepare to probably die.

in order to do anything in LOVE, it seems you must collect some sort of tokens. these tokens will allow you to build structures. the first structure you will need is called a monolith, monoliths allow you to build stuff within a set area. as you collect more tokens, the more stuff you will be able to build around your monolith. in the demo video, the creator just uses his development tools to bring in objects.




you can join the open beta now. you have donate 3 euros, i don't feel converting that to american dollars (just a rough estimate almost 4 dollars? i don't know). the 3 euros is to help pay server hosting fees and stuff.

go on http://www.quelsolaar.com/love/index.html for more information, and to grab this game when it is completed.

i really need money, or someone that owns these games and is willing to let me borrow them.


Bayonetta



Darksiders



i really need to get my hands on these. I've only played the demo of bayonetta, and have been fiending to play darksiders.

then even shittier, army of two 40th day, dark void, mass effect 2, and some other titles come out really really soon.

i kind of have dark void and mass effect 2 covered, but these other three will be tough.

God of War III E3 Demo

i was in wal-mart yesterday, and decided to buy district 9 on blu-ray. not only did i really love this movie, i really love the god of war iii demo included with it.

let me tell you. god of war iii is going to blow everything out of the water come march 2010 (with the exception of mass effect 2, that is probably going to be my favorite game of 2010).



if you don't own a ps3, this game is just one more reason to go out and buy one. 299.99 for a 120GB slim line isn't that bad. i am far from a sony or playstation fan, but damn they are just impressing the fuck out of me lately.

anyway, this demo starts out with kratos fucking up a bunch skeleton dudes. then he goes into a little cavern and uses harpies to cross different chasms. fuck up more skeletons, and centaur fucker. shoot down a dude flying in a chariot, fuck up more skeletons, blah blah blah. end of the demo you fly through a tower, dodging different obstacles.

you know what, I don't even want to explain this demo, just watch this video....

MAG open beta

well now, i am late as hell on this. i honestly kind of didn't care about this game, so i don't really follow anything on it. i have call of duty, why do i need another multiplayer war-based game? well, here is why.................


256 FUCKING PLAYERS IN ONE GAME!!!! ZERO, READ IT ZERO LAG!

yes, i have been playing the beta for the last 3 hours. it's not incredible, but still man; having that many people in one game is insane. it was like the first time i played battlefield 1942, with 128 people or whatever you could have in one server. needless to say, shit is hectic.

starting out you have to choose a faction, i don't really know what the difference between the factions is other than weapons and what countries they're from. there is raven which kind of look navy seals or something, they're mostly from european countries like france, germany, etc. there is the SVER, they're basically terrorist shady looking guys. SVER's base out of like saudi arabia, india, and the like. finally there's the standard american looking army soldier, VALOR, they are the lease appealing faction.




alright, so now you have your character. you get 3 default loadouts. one has the default assault rifle, one is sniper, and one is heavy machine gun. the raven guns all kind of suck, but whatever. also included with each loadout is a pistol, and two gear items. you can choose from a first aid injector thing that heals you, frag grenades, smoke grenades, and a repair kit which is used to repair vehicles and shit.

cool, you have your loadouts setup; now it's time to play this crazy shit. you get two game types you can pick from at the start. training, which is self explanatory. it shows you have to move and shoot and stuff, and shows how to play the other game types. you also have sabotage. if you have never played an objective based online fps before; sabotage is basically one team defends some points, and the other team has to try and destroy them before time runs out. this game mode is 32v32, so it's not as chaotic as the 128v128 game modes are.

other game modes:

domination: 128v128. teams fight to secure and hold 8 different points.

acquisition: 64v64. teams fight to control different vehicles.

suppression: 32v32. i assume this team deathmatch.

directives: i honestly don't know what this is. the description is, "To achieve victory, all fronts must be contested. A true soldier joins the battle in which he's needed most." maybe it's king of the hill or something.



visually, there isn't much to brag about. i mean this is just an open beta, so who knows what the final product will look like; but, i don't need a call of duty: modern warfare 2 looking game when there 255 other players on the screen, and buildings, and vehicles, and shitttttttt.

well, my verdict is, if you have a ps3. get this game when it drops in March 2010.

The only reason I will be buying Final Fantasy XIII (okay, not really the only)

a little known fact, i am a final fantasy fanboy. i have been since day one. actually, not really a fanboy. i fucking hate most of the newer ones, but i will continue to play the series until it ends.

here is the major selling point on final fantasy xiii...


this undercover brother, eddie griffin looking ass mother fucker. this is what final fantasy has needed forever. barret wallace in final fantasy vii was cool as fuck man.




aside from that, square-enix seems to be promising big things for this game, and hopefully it will live up to the hype in march 2010.

Backbreaker. It will revolutionize the football franchise as we know it.

so, i was doing the usual shit today and came across videos of a new football game called Backbreaker. i am thinking, well with a title like that it's either a. an arena football game or b. a nfl blitz knockoff. man was I way off. this game is pretty much the perfect football simulator, unlike madden nfl.

this game puts us gamer types in the position we would never want to be in, the football field. from what i have gathered, you play this game in the players point of view more or less. i don't know if there's like a first person mode, but the camera is pretty much zoomed right into your players back.

visually this game is not blowing my mind, but hell most of these videos are just demos. shit can change with a demo in a heart beat. also this is NaturalMotions first game ever, so madddd props to making something that looks definitely enjoyable, and what most football fans have wanted.


since i have no real details on this game, enjoy some videos...

Video Games | BackBreaker | E3 09: Trailer HD

XBox 360 | Playstation 3 | Nintendo Wii

this mini game looks fucking awesome

Video Games | BackBreaker | Tackle Alley Trailer HD

XBox 360 | Playstation 3 | Nintendo Wii

okay

i am finally playing dragon age: origins. i put it off, and put it off. now that i am done with uncharted 2 (incredible), and getting mostly bored with call of duty: modern warfare 2's multiplayer; i figured it the right time.

let me be the first to say, this game is great. i feel dumb for putting it off for so long.

i can't review it much yet, since i just started and have hardly done anything.

i am still a level 1 mage.

here is a screenshot of my character.

click image to enlarge:




wait... what the fuck is up with my portrait in the top left...







hahahahahaha

divinity ii: ego draconis

divinity ii: ego draconis (released 1/05/2010)

this is like a pre-review of this game. i have only played the demo on my xbox 360, but am acquiring the pc version of the game as i type this. i still have a strong opinion formed after the decently lengthy demo.


THIS GAME LOOKS LIKE SHIT. your character looks like he has a broomstick shoved so far up his ass, it is poking his brain when he runs. when you talk to npc's, it looks like they are having seizures. it's absolutely the most nauseating shit storm i have watched in a good while. yes, this game did come out TWO DAYS AGO. this game is a 2010 release, and i played games in 2002 that rival it (cough morrowind cough)

JUST FUCKING LOOK AT THIS:




now, let's take a look at one of my favorite games of all time. the elder scrolls iii: morrowind. this game came out in 2002. it was definitely way ahead of it's time, and is still something i love to play today.


incredible.



anyway, about this divinity shit a little. the original game in the series, 'divine divinity,' came out in what year? OH 2002!! imagine that? it is a diablo-clone dungeon crawler rpg. it's graphics even were similar to diablo 1, which came out in 1996. now either this larian studios company is really bad at keeping up with the times, or they just live under a rock in fantasy fucktard land.

basically you start out as an apprentice dragon slayer (ohhhhhhh ahhhhh dragon slayer!!). you just graduated out of some academy, and now you are going to be getting your first shot at a real dragon, but first... you have to get some stupid bullshit spell cast on you that makes you forget everything you learned in school. some stupid shit if you ask me. alright, you get the spell, your eyes turn silver symbolizing that you're a dragon slayer and now you're bad as shit. you can choose between three different class types. ranger, you use bows and shit. warrior, you use swords and shit. wizard, you use magic and shit. pretty basic. nothing extraordinary. now, i didn't get to go fight any dragons or anything being i only played the demo, so i can't say how cool or piss poor the combat is. i do know this though. running full speed and hitting the attack button is the best. fast forward this to like 2:50. i really can't explain what kind of kick that is, but holy fuck i would not want to get hit by a guy doing that ever.




i really hope the pc version runs better than the xbox 360 one. i swear, i have never noticed so much slow down in one game. especially one that is way below the specs of the 360. this game runs at like 20 fps or something.


the dialogue is actually not too horrible, the voice acting sounds decent. some of the voices can be pretty convincing.... strong emphasis on some. the shit your character says when kills something or loots something is "lol terrible."


i will continue this when i get to play the full game, hell maybe it's not as terrible as i think.

first post

so, this blog will be very insignificant to most of you. i just want to express my opinions on the latest games and such.

i am going to start off without much of an introduction...

the saboteur (released 12/8/2009)






i have spent a couple of hours, well as much as I could bare with this game. i will eventually complete it, but i would say i am far enough into it that my opinion is pretty much settled.

this is Pandemic's last game, ever. boy, what a way to go out. i mean, how lazy do you have to be with your last game? the characters are great, i love the black and white style, and i love that you can restore color to the world. very unique and fun. but, alright time to tear this apart. this game looks like it was better suited for playstation 2. i am far from a graphics whore, but damn. damn. there are so many great engines out there now to pick from, couldn't they have just shelled out the extra to get unreal or something? a sandbox game in unreal would be pretty nice actually. hell, a sandbox in id's new engine would make do unspeakable things. anyway, moving on. this game looks like shit. the buildings feel so flat. the only outstanding thing is the main character (sean devlin), and the cars you can steal and shit.



this game plays like every other sandbox there is, you talk to some shady ass dude. he has you kill someone, or steal a car, or bomb a building, whatever. you do that, go on to the next person. simple formula really. going back to the graphics, this game is grand theft auto 3 set in world war 2. okay, maybe not that bad.

i think really one of the few things that is going to keep me playing this game is the story. it's pretty much a perfect revenge story. some crazed nazi kills your best friend, and now you get to destroy all nazi troops in france in order to get revenge. intense. really. well, i am also an achievement whore, so I am trying to do everything in this game. which seems really easy. kill this many nazis, get this much contraband (that's the currency in this game. i know, fucking gay.) you can bomb nazi watch towers, armored cars, zeppelins, and all kinds of shit to restore light to good ol' france. oh yeah, and there's titties. lot's of titties in this game. your character lives in a back room behind a dressing room in a titty bar. fucking cool, right? i mean if you're into 3d playstation 2 looking titties it is. unfortunately, you can't beat the hell out of the strippers or anything. oh well.

you know what really annoys me with this game? the characters voices. they are so unconvincing. like, sean devlin doesn't even sound mad about his friend dying. he is irish though, and his accent cracks me up so hard. "it's a piece of piss."

i am over this game, if you want to bash it harder come over to my house and we will play it. laugh at it. kill nazis. steal cars. whatever.

if you're looking for a sandbox game, get grand theft auto: stories from liberty city or whatever. you're wayyyy better off.